Walk a Mile In Another's Shoes

This crazy looking kid is a picture of me.  I probably was no more than four or five years old at the time.  From the time I can remember I always thought and felt like I was a boy.  I suppose it didn't help much that my parents gave me a traditional boy's name but I know that had nothing to do with the way I felt growing up, it had everything to do with my father's request for the name.  As a child I was unaware of labels but I was blessed to have a family who allowed me to be who I was, and do the things I loved.  I was Shawn McGill and today I am still Shawn McGill, although through the years there has been some diversion in an effort to fit in to societal "norms". 

I grew up in a very rural, small town in Pennsylvania.  It was a blue-collar, God loving and God fearing community.  By the time this picture was taken I felt "different" but I didn't quite know what that meant.  I started kindergarten at the age of four and almost immediately hated school.  I was made fun of for my name and made fun of for the way I looked, even my frizzy hair was the butt of jokes.  Kids were quite creative and mean with their words and even their rhymes and songs about my name, looks and mannerisms.  Soon I found any reason to fake an illness or fight my mother tooth and nail to not go to school.  I soon became the most awful student and my grades were failing or borderline failing.  This sent me to Special Education and yet another reason to be segregated and made fun of.  To this day the memories turn my stomach and give me chills. 

I can't say it was all bad.  There were a handful of kids who were very kind.  Those kids turned into kind adults, of whom I still have contact with, even on Facebook.  Nevertheless my path of educational destruction continued through middle school until I found high school tennis.  I loved playing tennis and I made the high school team.  Mind you, this is traditionally a game for the upper class and we were anything but that.  The game gave me a reason to get good grades and really, it wasn't that difficult for me after all.

Still, at the beginning of high school I had my boy's name and I looked and acted like one.  I have never publicly talked about my next experiences but the recent discussions from people around the world on the need for "some people to get over" the divide in the nation and accept perceived threats is unbearable at this point.  I actually read from one person, who I have loved dearly, that discrimination and hatred has always been a part of our history so we need to accept it.  I cannot and will not accept it. We know better. 

While my grades were very good in high school, living life was not so easy.  There were two distinct incidents, both at the hands of a high school football star, that would have been considered sexual assault.  The first was him pushing me against the wall forcing his tongue down my throat while the other involved him grabbing my butt.  Both times he indicated he was going to "teach me" what it meant to be a woman.  Years later that same star was charge with rape, go figure.  Another incident involved a boy brutally punching me in the face and saying "stupid dyke".  I never told anyone but my parents just knew I had been punched in the face because it was pretty evident.  Letters were sent to my parents, warning them that I could be "a lesbian" (insert scary music here).  It was no Sweet Valley High, that's for sure.

Tennis was my ticket into college, and college was my ticket out of that town.  I flourished and I vowed I was never going back.  While I have gone through periods of trying very hard to be someone I was not, I quickly found my way back to who I am.  And you know what, I'm pretty proud of who I am and who I have become. 

Recently I've had many people reflect on the Christian values of my dear grandparents, who were very involved in our lives.  I'm not sure what the purpose is because I know full well they were God loving people.  I also believe in my heart of hearts that if they were here today they would be proud of me.  They would be proud of the business I have grown, they would be proud of the accomplishments I have achieved, they would be proud of the work that I do, they would be proud of the family I have, and they would be proud of the person I am.  Most importantly they would be proud that I have not been involved in any scandals or fallen to drugs or alcohol.  That's how bleak my future as a child was, and I know for certain there were many times they too were frustrated and concerned.   I recall many times my mother calling them, crying for help with me. 

My purpose in writing this is not to paint a "poor me" story or to represent any one group of people.  I am not a spokesperson.  My purpose is to help even one person to perhaps stop and think what it is like for someone, or maybe some people, before speaking out of context.  As an adult it concerns me to think that anyone is okay with the idea that violence towards a person because they are different is okay.  Violence is not just physical but it does include words as well, so be very careful.  It concerns me that anyone would be okay with a person not receiving healthcare benefits, marriage equality, or their long term spouse not having the right to make healthcare decisions on their behalf because they are not just like you.  Yes folks, this has all been a part of my history and the history of many other people.  We do not want to see Constitutional Rights be revoked and we do not want to see a platform for discrimination and violence built for any group of people.  So remember, when certain comments or statements are received it does evoke very strong reactions in some people.  You have not walked a mile in our shoes and we have not walked a mile in yours.  At some point we must find a common ground without implementing clauses of the Constitution, which founded this country.